Am I Supposed to Carry This on My Own?

Understanding the Bible's Commands

I read a scripture recently that made me feel a deep and uncomfortable tension. Here’s the scripture: Matthew 5:8 - Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. You might be thinking why that made me feel uncomfortable? It’s such a nice scripture, with a great promise attached to it.

So here’s where I am coming from… passages that call me to holiness, to purity, to walk without sin often stir pain instead of peace. Not because I don’t want to obey God, but because I used to be in a cult - a highly legalistic religious environment, very controlling and very behaviour-focused. There was a constant emphasis on "doing it right" and not much grace for the journey. Obedience was expected. So naturally, when I see a verse telling me to “do this” or “be that,” something in me pulls back. It stings.

So when I read this, my first thought was that this scripture is telling me to be pure. Not only in my behaviour but also in heart… and it’s up to me to do/be that! It’s up to me to carry that weight and burden to be pure and more like Jesus.

On top of that, I’m autistic - and one of the ways this affects me is it means I really need to understand something in order to carry something out. I don’t do well with rules that just seem to be there for no apparent reason. I’ve had to do some deep digging to find out what these commands in Scripture really mean? I want to know why it matters. What’s the context? What’s the heart behind it? How does it fit into the bigger picture?

So even now, many years after leaving a cult and a believer who knows the freedom of the gospel, I sometimes flinch when I read verses that sound like, “Do this, be that, stop this.” It can feel like someone is trying to control me, for no logical reason. And if I’m honest (like I love to be), I don’t like people telling me what to do. Especially if it’s just to change my behaviour.

I now know more of God’s heart than I did years ago. And I know that this is not what this scripture is saying. Reading this made me think of all the times I have read verses like that sound, on the surface, like it’s all up to me. Like I have to fix myself, clean up my act, walk the road by myself. And because of my experience, those verses often feel like pressure more than a promise. 

I have been on a journey with God for many years to help and heal me from this way of thinking. And this is what I’ve learned in this time:

God’s commands or instructions aren’t like people's control. They don’t come from a place of dominance or behaviour modification, but from the heart of a Father who loves us dearly and empowers us to become more like Him. And that changes everything!

I want to understand God’s heart, not a rule

You don’t have to have gone through what I have to be asking these same questions. However, it's helpful to understand a bit more about me before I move on. 

Because of how my brain works, I can’t just obey because someone says so. (Especially if they say it harshly). If I’m going to do something, I need to understand it on a deeper level, which I have learnt recently that other people don’t need. I want to know the context, the intention, and the meaning behind the words. I genuinely want to know what God is really saying. I want to understand His heart, not just the ‘right’ behaviour. This is in anything… not just when it comes to scripture or ‘rules’ pertaining to christianity. That’s why when I read a command in Scripture, I unconsciously ask these questions:

• What’s the heart of God here?

• What is God revealing about Himself?

• How does this fit into the gospel?

• Is this something I have to “make happen,” or is it something God will do through me?

  
  

When I understand it that way, it makes me want to follow the instructions. Not because I’m being told to behave, but because I see that God wants the best for me and to glorify Him in the process. I see that God’s commands are never about control but about restoration and freedom.

I believe every command in Scripture has a why, and that ‘why’ is always rooted in God’s love, holiness, and desire for our good. So when a verse triggers old pain or fear in me, I’ve learned to pause.

The Pattern - Who you are comes before what you do

Here are some more scriptures that make me flinch:

• Be holy as I am holy

• Put to death what is earthly in you

• Walk in a manner worthy of your calling

• To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice

• Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God

• The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy

• The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity

• The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them

  
  

The list of verses could go on haha. These verses to me sound like it’s all up to us. Try harder. Be better. Stop sinning (missing God’s perfect standard). But then, in the very same Bible, you find verses that say:

• Apart from me you can do nothing

• It is God who works in you…

• It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me

• Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me

This is how I know the first scriptures aren’t to be taken on face value. I explored how these kinds of Scriptures should be understood. And one of the most healing things I’ve discovered is how the Bible often tells us our identity in God before the instruction comes.

Take Ephesians, for example:

• Chapters 1–3: You’re chosen. You’re loved. You’re sealed with the Spirit. You’re raised with Christ.

• Chapter 4: “Therefore, walk in a manner worthy…”

  
  

Instructions on how to live don’t come by themself. They come after God has already declared who you are. He doesn’t ask us to behave to then be loved. He reminds us that we are loved already, and then invites us to live in that love.

To be honest, I'm still learning to live in this more fully each day. However, I now try to read commands through this new lens. Not as a demand that earns something, but as an invitation to live fully in the freedom Jesus died for me for. 

Also, when Scripture tells us to be holy or to walk without sin, it is assuming something crucial: you are in Christ.

And Christ is in you. We are not striving toward holiness from the outside, we are living out what has already been placed inside you.

Grace is more than forgiveness… it’s power

For a long time, I thought grace was just ‘getting something that we don't deserve’ e.g. salvation. However, Scripture shows me it’s so much more than that:

Titus 2:11-12: For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, instructing us to deny godlessness and worldly lusts and to live in a sensible, righteous, and godly way in the present age

2 Corinthians 9:8: God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work

Grace also trains us, changes us, and strengthens us to live differently. The Holy Spirit dwells in us, not just as a comfort, but as power! When I read what I look at as a hard verse in Scripture, I try not to hear it as “try harder” anymore.

I try to hear it as an invitation to depend deeper, to lean on the Spirit’s strength, not my own willpower.

So what's the best way to approach these verses?

If you’re like me, someone who has been wounded by control, legalism, or religious pressure, here’s a more grace-filled way to read Scripture’s instructions and commands:

• Remember who you are in Christ

• Take the command seriously, but not as a threat or something you have to do on your own

• Acknowledge your weakness, not with shame, but honesty

• Invite the Spirit to help you obey, because He’s already in you

• Walk forward in faith, not fear

  
  

This isn’t about perfect behaviour or behaviour modification… It's about partnership with God. He invites us all into transformation, and He stays with us every step of the way.

This keeps you away from two major traps: legalism, where you try to earn God's favour, and thinking obedience doesn't matter.

If we ask ourselves these questions it also puts us in a place of grace-powered obedience.

Final thought

If you’ve come from a background like mine, where obedience felt like pressure, and commands felt like control… I want to say this: God is not like that. His commands come from love, not control. And He never asks you to do something He won’t equip you to do. Or if you, like me, need to understand deeply before you can obey… you’re not alone. And more importantly, God isn’t offended by your questions or your process!

So the next time you come across a verse that feels like a heavy burden, don’t rush past it, but don’t read it alone either. Read it with the whole gospel in mind. You have a new identity. You have Christ in you. You have the Spirit's power. And yes… you are called to walk worthy of the One who called you. But we never, ever walk alone.